This diary entry is part 10 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So, as you can see from the title, today was Sabby’s birthday.  I had such a hard time figuring out what to get her, but I figured it out.  I’ll tell you how it went later in the post.  Also, I hear that Allison’s family’s having a rough time with the virus.  Poor Allison. We need to invite her over at some point – after all that’s run its course.  The virus sucks.

So it was a normal Friday.  Everyone was excited that it was the end of the week.  Crystal seems to be adapting, little by little.  She and Beth are still working on their lessons together, and there seems to be a grudging respect.  Turns out Crystal is pretty smart!  Whether Beth smart or not, I don’t know, but she can hold her own!  Sabby gave them some pretty hard math work and they were competing to see who could solve it first!

After school, I went and put on some nice clothes (not quite as nice when I first met Emiko, but nice enough) and Sabby made a very nice dinner.  I didn’t know she could make Japanese food, but she made ramen!  With the soft boiled eggs and seared fish and everything!  (we still have some fish left over from Dave and David’s fishing trip.)  She’s a great cook.  Anyway, Emiko showed up as dinner was being finished, with her husband and two daughters.

Her husband was a tall, older man with full hair and a kindly face, maybe a little younger than Dave, his name was Bill.  His daughters were 10 and 9, named Mika and Aika.  They looked so much like me!  I asked Emiko what their names meant.  She said “Beautiful flower” and “Lovely flower”.  Seems she really liked flowers.

Nothing wrong with that!  I think David was really taken with them.  I hadn’t seen him look like that since Allison.  I nudged him and said “Those are my half-sisters”.  He just nudged me back and said “They’re not mine.”  What could I say to that?

So we sat down to eat – Emiko seemed really surprised at the quality of the ramen, and even Crystal was slurping it down greedily.  Emiko asked about Crystal, and we just said she was a family friend who was staying with us for a while.

Crystal wasn’t having any of that, though.  “I’m homeless.  I’m staying here for a while so my parents can get back on their feet.”

Sabby cast one of her trademark glares at Crystal.  “You’re not homeless, Crystal.”

She frowned.  “This isn’t my home.  Thank you for taking me in, but this isn’t my home.”

Sabby frowned, but let it drop.  Crystal went back to inhaling her ramen.

Bill broke the silence.  “Well, you can just imagine how surprised we were when we found out my wife here had a daughter sixteen years ago.”

“She didn’t tell you?”, I asked, surprised.  Emiko looked really embarrassed but didn’t say anything.

“Not a word.  When she told me a week ago that she was going to meet you, I was floored.  I had no idea!”

“Well,” I said diplomatically.  “I imagine it wasn’t the easiest topic to bring up.”

Emiko nodded, still looking embarrassed.  “It was never the right time.”

“Well, you know now,” Sabby said.  “Mika, Aika, why don’t you tell your half-sister a little about yourselves?”  Kind of a hamhanded way to change the subject, but it worked nonetheless.  I felt like there was a little bit of tension between Bill and Emiko regarding the topic.  Regarding me.

Mika and Aika took turns telling us about themselves, their favorite subject at school, etc.  David was enraptured.  Great.  After they were done,  I told them about myself too, how I knew martial arts and the piano but didn’t know why.  They seemed like decent kids.  Bill even seemed decent, just a little put out at not being told about me.  Can’t say I blame him, but the past is the past.

After dinner, Dave went and got a cake, and brought it out with one candle.  “Tonight is Sabby’s birthday,” he announced.  “Let’s all sing the song?”

So we sang the song.  Gifts would be given later.  But everyone got a piece of cake, which Mika and Aika were very enthusiastic about.  The cake was chocolate.  Girls after my own heart.

After dinner we retired to the living room and just chatted about stuff.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Emiko did tell me I have grandparents in Japan, though, and invited me to come along the next time she went back home.  She thought it was important that I knew where I came from, even if a little.  Like I was going to say no!  But that would be sometime next year.  Guess now I need to work more at learning Japanese.

Eventually, they all left.  My half sisters seemed like decent kids.  But I didn’t quite know what to make of Bill.  He seemed nice enough, but he didn’t seem all that happy to meet me.  I guess I understood.  I’m her child.  Not his.

Finally it was time for presents to Sabby.  Everyone handed her a nicely wrapped box except for me.  She opened them happily.  Dave got her a glass flower (which she loved).  Beth got her a nice necklace, which she immediately put on, and David had obviously had help, because he got her a bubble bath.  After all the gifts had been given, I cleared my throat.

“Sabby,” I said, “I didn’t buy you anything.  But in Japan, it seems that it’s a tradition on special days like this to write a letter and then read it out.  I wrote you a letter.”  I went and got the letter.  “I know it doesn’t sound like much, but give it a chance.”

I opened the letter and cleared my throat.

“Sabby, I don’t know what your age is now, because you won’t tell me.  I know that you’re one year older now than you were a year ago.  And a little over one year older from how old you were when I was found on the side of the road.”  I sniffed. “I still remember that day like it was yesterday.  How you came and got me from the hospital, and took me to the store to get some necessities, much like you did Crystal yesterday.”  I looked at Crystal meaningfully, then went back to my letter.  “I remember coming back to your house, and you showing me the guest room, which you turned into my room that very night, and me being soo confused and soo scared and not knowing who I was or even what my name is.  I remember two things about that night:  you didn’t name me, and you didn’t leave me.”

Sabby sniffled.

“I chose the name Lily that night, and you called me that from that day forward.  And I cried.  I’ve cried harder, but I’ve never cried as long.  And you were always there.  You held me, and talked to me, and you let me cry, and you… ” my voice broke, “you helped me through what was certainly one of the worst times of my life.  That I can remember anyway.

“And then you took me shopping. I remember that day too.  I had been crying for so long and so hard my stomach hurt and I didn’t have any tears left, and you took me shopping.  It’s not about the things you bought me, but that’s when you made me a part of your family.  It took me a long time to accept that, but that was the first time we really spent together, and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.”

I paused, and wiped my eyes.  “Sometimes we fight and have harsh words, but I’ll never forget what you did for me, and what you still do for me, and… and you’ll always be my mother.”  I put the letter down, ran over, and hugged her.

She hugged me back, her body shaking.  “You were right about the Japanese letters,” she said, wiping her eyes.  “Thank you, Lily.  I loved everyone’s presents, but…. thank you.”

Crystal just looked at me, a tear running down her face.  “You… you do understand.”, she said, quietly.

I nodded.  “I do,” I said, just as quietly.

She jumped up and ran over to me, and glomped me.  “You understand,” she sobbed, “You understand.”

I just patted her back.  “I do,” I said softly.

“Lily,” Sabby said, with much emotion in her voice.  “I will never regret adopting you.”

I just smiled wanly and sat back down, after Crystal disentangled herself and did the same.

Finally, Sabby went to take a bath.  Not an angry bath this time, but a happy, birthday bath.  Dave went up too, looking eager for some rea… oh.  Well, after Jack, I guess I can’t say much.  Looks like she was going to get another present that wasn’t for our eyes.

Crystal and Beth and I sat and talked until a few minutes ago.  We didn’t really have a slumber party, but the three of us had some serious girl bonding time, with hair brushing and games and all that fun stuff.  Crystal’s defenses were finally coming down, and there was light in her eyes at last.  After all, I understood, and she knew I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her.

I really did understand, and now she knew.

Her parents are going to spend some time with her tomorrow, and she’s really looking forward to that.  After all, even though they had had some hard times, they’re still her parents and she still loves them.  But she has a home for now, and maybe now she could start to heal.

Love you all!!!

This diary entry is part 9 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi! It’s me again!  Lily!

I might not be as bubbly as I usually am.  I’m a little sad today.  Maybe it’s a let down after such a crazy weekend.  I’m not sad often but it does happen sometimes.  Lil’ miss exclamation point will have to save the exclamation points for another day.

I am so grateful to Dave and Sabby for taking me in, truly I am!  And I’m grateful that they want to take me into their family.  But I don’t know who I am.  I know I am Lily, but I chose that name.  I know Lily Day is July 25th.  I know… that’s all I know about me.  I don’t know who my “real” parents are.  I don’t know what my name is.  I don’t know what my birthday is.  I just… am.  Ever since they found me, that’s all I have to say.  I exist.

Existing is good!  But who am I?

In school they are teaching a little philosophy.  I think, therefore I am, an old guy named Descartes said a very long time ago.  I think, but I don’t remember.  I am, but am I?  I think, therefore I am, but I don’t remember, so who am I?

Some nights I have a hard time sleeping because I’m racking my brains for even the smallest scrap of memory, but I don’t have it.  It’s like it never existed.  It’s like I never existed.  Sometimes I cry out of frustration.  But I don’t let Dave or Sabby see.  I don’t want them to feel bad.

Who am I?

Well, maybe I’ll never know.  Maybe I just have to choose who I am, because nothing has been given to me except my body and some skills I don’t know how I got.

Sorry folks.  Maybe tomorrow I will be back to my bubbly and cheerful self.  But today I think I want to go back to bed.  Maybe Sabby won’t pick on me about being useful.  But she probably will.

I saw another stream with that dog-girl.  She’s hilarious!  She was playing a game called “Hidden Folks” and was going nuts with a bird noise!  Huuwwwwaaaaaaaa!!!! But she speaks a different language.  Japanese, I think.  Maybe I want to learn it.  Do you want to learn with me?  I did a little research and it’s a really hard language, but I have nothing but time right now!  There are some kids at school who are learning it, but I’m not sure I like them.  They act all weird about it, saying things like “kawai” and adding “des” onto the end of everything, and they wear cat ears and talk about cartoons.  I don’t understand them.  The other kids call them “weebs”.  But I don’t have to be a weeb to learn a language.  Right?

But dog-girl is funny.  I think I like dog-girl.

Anyway, I think I’ll either go back to bed or eat something disgustingly unhealthy.  Either way, catch you tomorrow.  Love you all!!! ❤️. Even if I’m sad today.

July 26, 2021

This diary entry is part 6 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi!  It’s me again!  Lily!

You know how after you have a really great day, no matter how good the next day is, it’s never as good?  That’s how today was.  But it was really good in its own way.  Today we went to church.  It was boring, but I brought a book and browsed twitter.  Twitter is a horrible awful place, but why not.  Full of lots of people who think they know what they’re talking about but don’t.  I guess that’s me too, but I know I don’t.

After church, Dave wanted to watch the Olympics, but I tried on the dress Sabby bought me.  It fit perfectly and it’s so gorgeous on me!  Maybe sometime soon I’ll post a pic.  I also got some pics of the waterpark too but I have to transfer them to the computer and upload them.  Maybe I’ll post those soon, too.  Honestly, I usually dress pretty modestly, but a swimsuit is for swimming, and who wants wet clothing!  Plus I think I look pretty good in one.  Liz looks better, though.

After I tried on the dress, Sabby and I went to the park, and we walked, and talked.  It was a little hot, but it wasn’t quite noon yet, and I think Sabby just wanted a little time with me.  She asked me if I liked the Lily day, and I hugged her so tightly!  I told her I loved it!  And I did, truly I did!  She smiled, but she seemed preoccupied.  I asked her what’s wrong.

She was quiet for a while, as we walked together.  The grackles and blue jays were making a ruckus in the trees.  I guess they were getting it out of their system before it got too hot to do anything but hunker down in the shade or try to find water.  Life must be hard as a bird.

“Lily,” she said, “I talked to the social workers this week, and…  you don’t have a birthday.  No one knows who you are or how old you are.  The state won’t let you learn how to drive or have a job without proof of who you are.  They had to pull a lot of strings just to get you into school…”

I felt sad.  “What am I going to do, Sabby?  I can’t live with you forever!”

She stopped and turned to look at me, and grabbed my hands.  “A situation like yours is not just unusual, it’s almost unheard of.  A girl, just appearing out of nowhere, with no documentation, no missing person’s report, no memories, no accent, even.  You could even be a citizen, they just don’t know.  They don’t know what to do.  We’re going to hire a lawyer and see if we can find a way to get around this.”

Her eyes pierced into me.  “But Lily, I don’t want you to worry.  You have a home with us for as long as you need… or want… it.”

I couldn’t help it.  The tears started flowing and I clung to her like my life depended on it.  “I love you, Sabby,” I almost wailed.  “I love you!”

Sabby returned my hug.  “I love you, too,” she whispered.  She’d never said that to me before!  I cried even harder.  What is it with me and crying?  Finally I disentangled myself from her and we started walking again.

“One of the solutions might involve legally adopting you.  Would you…  be okay with that?”

I sniffled.  “I’d… be more than okay with that.”

She smiled.  “Let’s see what the lawyer says.  Did you like the cake?,” she changed the subject.

I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone I like anything more ebulliently (how do you like that big word?  I wonder how I learned it) than I told her I loved the cake.  I positively gushed.  And I’m not a gushy girl!  And then I told her I loved the pancakes, and the waterpark, and the dinner, but most of all I just loved spending time with… my family.

“Sabby?”, I asked.

“Yes, Lily?”

“If I ever remember who I am…  I won’t forget you.  You’ll still be my family.”  I sniffled.  “You’ll always be my family.”  My lip quivered.  “Always and forever.”

Now the tears were in Sabby’s eyes.  I’ve never seen her cry before.  I didn’t this time either, but it was a close thing.  She grabbed my hand and squeezed, and not much more was said until our walk was done.

It was a quiet day otherwise.  Dave enjoyed his sports, I set up my new computer, Sabby made a wonderful dinner, Beth was out with friends, and David was quietly (for once) playing video games in his room.  I am such a lucky girl, even though I still wish with everything I had to have my memories back.  If I ever had them at all.

But what a weekend this was!  What a wonderful weekend this was!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️