Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!!!

I’m sad.

Emiko and her family went to the waterpark this morning, and i guess the girls had loads of fun.  Well, of course they did!  It’s a waterpark!  Anyone who doesn’t have fun at a waterpark is a silly billy!!!  They smell like chlorine now.  Which isn’t a bad thing!  Chlorine smells like fun!!

Anyway, after they got done at the waterpark, they came over here, and that was about the time I came home from work.  It was a nice enough time.  I think Emiko has accepted me as part of her family (well, she’d kinda better) and Bill seems to have at least come to terms with my existence.  He even offered to show me some stuff on how to make this site better!

But every time I see Emiko, I think of what might have been.  No, she’s not a better mother than Sabby.  I mean, the fact that she gave me up automatically makes Sabby the better mother, because of the two of them, Sabby never gave anyone up.  At least as far as I know.  But she’s a different mother than Sabby.  Sabby expects a lot from us, but I wouldn’t really call her strict.  Emiko is pretty strict.  She has high standards for her children and expects them to meet those standards, but she’s not mean about it.  She’s kind of like Liz’s parents in that regard – Aika and Mika have things they have to learn.  Like they have to know Japanese (they’re actually pretty fluent, unlike me!), they have to study hard, and learn a musical instrument.  I think Emiko is secretly a little proud of me because I can play the piano, even though I have no idea how I know how to!  And she’s impressed that I know as much Japanese as I do!!! But… how different would life be?  How different would life be if she hadn’t given me up?  Or if whatever happened to my “other” adoptive parents hadn’t, well, had whatever happened, happen?  I feel like my life just kind of happened to me, and it could have been so different.  Maybe not better, but…  different.

I love Sabby!  But… but would I love Emiko?  Like I do Sabby?

I don’t know, because she never gave me that chance.

And that’s what really hurts the most.

She’s really trying.  I really appreciate that she’s trying.  She wants to rectify her mistake with me.  And I appreciate that too.  I really do.

But it was a big mistake.

And, deep in my heart of hearts, I’m not sure I’ll ever truly forgive her for it.  I know I said I do.  And I mean to.  I want to.  I won’t hold it against her.  But can I actually do it?

In happier news, we set a date for going to Japan!!! I just hope the virus doesn’t screw that up.  I think when I’m there I might call myself Yuriko Nakamoto.  Not because I want to take the name, but…  it just seems to make sense, right?  I have to practice how to say it.

Love you all!!! ❤

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